A Post Inspired By My Roommate

a Pinterest find

I want to share something great that has happened since moving to Hawaii! I am living in student apartments, and during my first 2 weeks here I was in quarantine in a 1 bedroom unit. I signed a lease for a 2 bedroom apartment, and had filled out a form online to match me with a roommate.

And very curious about this freshman feeling of having a random roommate whoever this could be.

However, I got very lucky. Not even lucky, we seriously think this was meant to be! My roommate Deanna is the best roommate I could ask for at this very period of my life. She’s 26, from California, and a culinary student. I moved in first, so when I met Deanna it was during her own anxiety of moving from a quarantine room, boxes and boxes one by one up and down the elevator. I think one of the first things she said when she arrived was “sorry, I’m just having a lot of anxiety.” and I just got it. I could see it, and it was so familiar to me. She was so sweet, but I could also tell she had been anticipating this interaction as well and she smiled but was shaky. She is a great communicator. “I just want you to know that if you ever see me seeming off or if I am in my room for a while I don’t want you to think it’s you.” Considerate, honest. We have had great talks and have quickly realized how though we are both very unique, we are very alike in many ways. There has just been a weight lifted since living here, feeling like I can be just as I am and that is okay. We both have commented on how we both feel emotionally safe in our living situation and how much we appreciate that. I also have to mention that she loves to cook and wants to share, and I love to eat, and honestly have been bad about eating for a while. I have a low appetite, ever since my endometriosis flare and it has not changed. Something as simple as having meals with Deanna makes this place seem like a home, and more importantly the fact that I don’t feel as lonely.

I have not been feeling like me and recently I think that part of me came back even for a little while. I had the ultimate Haley moment. After finishing school work Deanna wanted to watch a show together. I was looking up one of my quirky favorites on Disney+ “Penguins” and while telling her how “so great” it is I was thinking of the main penguin’s name, and started to type “Steve” into the smart tv. Realizing what I was doing we both were laughing, and while I was deleting and re-tying I caught myself re-typing “steve” yet again. I jumped out of my chair and yelled “AHH- I did it AGAIN!!” She was laughing so hard, laughing with me. It was a reminder of my ability to laugh at my quirks and the silliness in me getting excited about penguins gave me some hope that I will get out of this funk I’ve been in and maybe I am now starting to.

We relate as we both care very much about people, have big sensitive hearts, but have been hurt a lot. She is emotionally intelligent, and we are able to open up to each other. We are the kind of people who want to work through bumps in the road as relationships and connections are important to us. We give many chances, find peace in forgiveness, but maybe don’t always recognize our worth. Some people will not hear us. It does not matter how loving, how truthful, or how profound we speak, and it can be so easy for souls like ours to self-blame when we are misunderstood by others. I can’t explain how much it means to the both of us that we just get each other despite how different we are. It is more than getting or understanding each other. We see each other. I have always felt and resonated with being an old soul and a tired soul- as being a highly sensitive person means I carry a lot, even when it is not mine to carry.

I have felt uncomfortable in living situations before, and as much as having someone there is good for me, I often wish I could afford to live alone. I haven’t felt that here. This is a heartfelt and cheesy post, but I am writing this because when you have experienced not being accepted, or what it feels like to be judged, finding a genuine human being who loves and accepts you for you is a feeling I can’t quite explain. I have been lucky to find a few special soul friends in my life, and I got very lucky that after moving so far, my roommate just turned out to be one of them.

I think that when sadness finds me, and I can’t help feeling alone with it, this blog post is an example of how healing gratitude can be. On my wall I have taped letters that have been sent to me from friends and family back home. I have been staying in touch with those who know me best and love me. Relationships and people are important to me- I wouldn’t be going into social work if they weren’t important to me!

So maybe this is where I should say “thank you”

to those who follow along with my blog, and follow along with my life and support me through each success, adventure, and hurdle that come my way.